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We need to change how we talk about men’s violence against women and girls

In recent decades the women’s sector has done a lot of work to increase women’s knowledge and understanding of the violence they experience at the hands of men. Responding to women in crisis, women organised and set up centres to support women, give refuge, and offer guidance through the justice system. Women studied gender, power dynamics, and men’s violence against women, got degrees, and trained as advocates and support workers. They gathered in marches for equality, campaigned for changes in law, and demanded government funding.

The effort of women, activists, and politicians built and funded Women’s Aid and Rape Crisis centres across the country, made specific forms of men’s violence against women illegal, such as rape within a marriage, and created a world leading strategy to prevent men’s violence against women.

We should be proud of what the feminist movement has achieved, successfully spreading awareness of men’s violence against women and girls and supporting women through its consequences.

But we still have a lot of work to do.

While there are organisations, such as White Ribbon Scotland, who have been doing great work to engage men on this issue, men and boys’ understanding and knowledge of gender inequality, feminism, and men’s violence against women and girls is woefully behind.

And the manosphere has exploited this.

Men and boys experiencing the pressures of masculinity can find the supportive messages of the manosphere comforting as they are told it is not them who are at fault, that feminists have stacked the world against them.

We need to give men an alternative narrative, to help them see the inequalities in our society’s structure and how equality creates a better world for them too. We need to talk about the harm men’s violence against women has on men and boys too, and empower men and boys to recognise and step into their role in ending it.

But how do we talk to men about men’s violence against women and girls and include them in work to end it?

This was the subject of our 2024 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Based Violence event hosted by Ben Macpherson MSP at the parliament.

After a welcome from Ben Macpherson MSP and keynote from the Minister for Parliamentary Business, Jamie Hepburn MSP, Claire Duffy from Civic Digits shared how the Many Good Men project identified the importance of ‘brave spaces’; non-judgemental, safe spaces for boys to talk about masculinity, relationships with women, and sex. Such conversations are even more effective when combined with creative exercises like roleplay which give boys the distance to think about these subjects more critically.

We also found non-judgemental spaces where men felt safe to discuss these subjects as important through our strategic communications research with White Ribbon Scotland. With the expertise of Equally Ours, we’ve been looking at the best way to talk to men and boys about men’s violence against women and girls.

We will share the findings from this research in early 2025, but a key takeaway is the need to talk to men about gendered power dynamics, masculinity, and men’s violence against women with empathy, openness, and a focus on what men can do right. 

As Rebekah Cheung, from White Ribbon Scotland, said at our event, we need to help men find their role in ending men’s violence against women, how they can make a difference, treat people with respect, and role model a masculinity rooted in empathy, kindness, and integrity.

Of course, working with men in this way must be one tool in the toolbox as we pursue a societal approach to improve gender inequality and ending men’s violence against women and girls. Work to equalise gender representation throughout sectors and leadership, end the gender pay gap, ensure all government policies consider their impact on men and women, and all efforts towards an equal Scotland remain important. But men must be part of this work.

A room full of people joined us at the parliament from youth work, violence prevention, government, local government, third and creative sectors, and sport, all keen to work with men and boys to promote healthy masculinity and work towards equality. They expressed resounding hope for a Scotland where everyone is respected and equal. We aspire to have many more people and organisations join us on this journey. Only through cross-sector collaboration can we collectively learn how to talk to men about these issues and include them in our fight for equality.

To learn about the impact of extreme misogyny on young people, and why we so urgently need solutions, read the new Many Good Men report or listen to our series of podcasts discussing the key implications of this research.