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We need to change how we talk about men’s violence against women and girls

In recent decades the women’s sector has done a lot of work to increase women’s knowledge and understanding of the violence they experience at the hands of men. Responding to women in crisis, women organised and set up centres to support women, give refuge, and offer guidance through the justice system. Women studied gender, power dynamics, and men’s violence against women, got degrees, and trained as advocates and support workers. They gathered in marches for equality, campaigned for changes in law, and demanded government funding.

The effort of women, activists, and politicians built and funded Women’s Aid and Rape Crisis centres across the country, made specific forms of men’s violence against women illegal, such as rape within a marriage, and created a world leading strategy to prevent men’s violence against women.

We should be proud of what the feminist movement has achieved, successfully spreading awareness of men’s violence against women and girls and supporting women through its consequences.

But we still have a lot of work to do.

While there are organisations, such as White Ribbon Scotland, who have been doing great work to engage men on this issue, men and boys’ understanding and knowledge of gender inequality, feminism, and men’s violence against women and girls is woefully behind.

And the manosphere has exploited this.

Men and boys experiencing the pressures of masculinity can find the supportive messages of the manosphere comforting as they are told it is not them who are at fault, that feminists have stacked the world against them.

We need to give men an alternative narrative, to help them see the inequalities in our society’s structure and how equality creates a better world for them too. We need to talk about the harm men’s violence against women has on men and boys too, and empower men and boys to recognise and step into their role in ending it.

But how do we talk to men about men’s violence against women and girls and include them in work to end it?

This was the subject of our 2024 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Based Violence event hosted by Ben Macpherson MSP at the parliament.

After a welcome from Ben Macpherson MSP and keynote from the Minister for Parliamentary Business, Jamie Hepburn MSP, Claire Duffy from Civic Digits shared how the Many Good Men project identified the importance of ‘brave spaces’; non-judgemental, safe spaces for boys to talk about masculinity, relationships with women, and sex. Such conversations are even more effective when combined with creative exercises like roleplay which give boys the distance to think about these subjects more critically.

We also found non-judgemental spaces where men felt safe to discuss these subjects as important through our strategic communications research with White Ribbon Scotland. With the expertise of Equally Ours, we’ve been looking at the best way to talk to men and boys about men’s violence against women and girls.

We will share the findings from this research in early 2025, but a key takeaway is the need to talk to men about gendered power dynamics, masculinity, and men’s violence against women with empathy, openness, and a focus on what men can do right. 

As Rebekah Cheung, from White Ribbon Scotland, said at our event, we need to help men find their role in ending men’s violence against women, how they can make a difference, treat people with respect, and role model a masculinity rooted in empathy, kindness, and integrity.

Of course, working with men in this way must be one tool in the toolbox as we pursue a societal approach to improve gender inequality and ending men’s violence against women and girls. Work to equalise gender representation throughout sectors and leadership, end the gender pay gap, ensure all government policies consider their impact on men and women, and all efforts towards an equal Scotland remain important. But men must be part of this work.

A room full of people joined us at the parliament from youth work, violence prevention, government, local government, third and creative sectors, and sport, all keen to work with men and boys to promote healthy masculinity and work towards equality. They expressed resounding hope for a Scotland where everyone is respected and equal. We aspire to have many more people and organisations join us on this journey. Only through cross-sector collaboration can we collectively learn how to talk to men about these issues and include them in our fight for equality.

The five core elements of incel ideology

Content warning: This blog discusses the views of men who hate women which can be offensive, upsetting, and rage inducing.

As boys scroll through their social media feeds, algorithms ensure they come across content promoting a dangerous world view. The manosphere is a network of websites, forums, and blogs promoting extreme misogyny. Incels are an online sub-group of the manosphere known for blaming women for their own lack of sexual and romantic relationships, or ‘involuntary celibatism’. Incels have been linked to over 50 violent attacks in the last decade.

Understanding how this community weaponises everyday misogyny to radicalise boys has become crucial for parents, educators, and anyone concerned about young people’s welfare to understand.

Using O’Malley et al. (2020: NP4989) we’ve broken down their ideology so you can get a better handle on who incels are and the messages that social media algorithms push to boys and young men.

The Foundation: Men’s Victimhood and Oppression

Incels believe that rather than women, it is men who are truly oppressed. They believe women sexually control men and lie about gender inequality, claiming that:

• family court systems are biased in favour of women
• women often make false rape allegations
• sexual violence and domestic violence are gender-neutral problems.

Incels argue that they are oppressed by ‘more masculine’ men and societal expectations about men’s appearance. But instead of recognising that these stem from patriarchal stereotypes, incels develop other theories to explain their supposed oppression, painting women and feminism as the problem. One such theory is the Sexual Marketplace…

The Framework: Sexual Marketplace Theory

The sexual market is the imagined idea that everyone has a ‘sexual market value’ (SMV) dependent on their attractiveness and desirability. They trade on this value to enter romantic and sexual relationships with others of a similar SMV.

Incels view their own SMV as low due to their physical appearance and lack of material wealth. Unlike the rest of the manosphere, incels are resigned to their low SMV, believing they cannot improve their value as the marketplace is rigged against them.

They resent women as they view them as falsely increasing their SMV through make-up, clothing, and a healthy lifestyle, as well as manipulating the marketplace with feminist ideas which inflate their SMV, such as body positivity.

They claim this leads to women unfairly making them involuntarily celibate through rejection as women only pursue sexual relationships with men of a high SMV, a.k.a. attractive men with nice cars and high-paying jobs.

This aggravates incels who find this frustrating and unfair. As men, incels feel that they should have access to women’s bodies and sex.

The Sexual Market theory shapes incels view of women’s nature which is…

“Women are Naturally Evil”

Incels argue that women’s primitive instincts for self-preservation steer their behaviour to use men for safety and procreation. We can’t help it. This supposedly explains women’s attraction to wealthy, muscular men (a.k.a men with a high SMV). Incels claim this biological drive for survival leads women to manipulate these men into relationships.

Whilst criticising women for their promiscuity with these ‘high value’ men, incels complain that women won’t have sex with them. Incels consistently repeat this contradiction of believing women should be chaste and provide men with sex. For example, incels advocate for it to be legal for men to buy sex from women.

When women decline incels’ sexual or romantic advances, incels characterise these women as narcissistic, dishonest, and evil, often interpreting the rejection as bullying and humiliation.

These beliefs about women’s nature allow for incels highly regressive views on gender.

The Response: Legitimising Regressive Masculinity

Again, Incels use regressive biological theories to argue that men should have power over women. They believe women crave sexualisation and that men are hard-wired to sexualise them and argue that sexual attraction to girls is biologically normal. They claim feminism has falsely labelled men’s sexuality as paedophilia.

Incels’ beliefs are entrenched in regressive views of relationships between men and women and seek to strengthen the unequal power structure that lead to women’s inequality.  

Incels dehumanise women by arguing they only have basic emotions, referring to them as ‘femoids’, ‘foids’ or ‘roasties’, and drawing on sexist tropes such as women being cheaters, gold diggers, and leeches. This encourages viewing women as animals or objects and are the foundations for incel’s ultimate conclusion.

The Conclusion: Justifying Violence

Incels’ belief system leads them to their ultimate conclusion: men’s violence against women is justified.

Incel forums are full of men discussing, joking, and threatening violence. Incels argue for the keeping of women as sex slaves, the massacring of women and girls, and other forms of violence. They collectively inspire and enact violence both online and off.

A product of mainstream values

The ultimate contradiction of incel ideology is that they view themselves as a rebel group who can see the truth. But incel ideology is really the concentration of current mainstream beliefs and norms.

Rather than rebel against, they reinforce stereotypical ideas of masculinity, gender roles, and existing unequal power dynamics.

To learn more about incels and their affect on young people, read our Many Good Men full report, published in partnership with Civic Digits.

Just want the highlights? Read the summary,

Super short on time? Get the headlines from our briefing!

Or, listen to our podcast!

Why we can’t afford to dismiss incels as fringe extremists

The manosphere and the toxic beliefs it promotes has a daily influence over young people — creating an environment that perpetuates misogyny, making schools and social spaces less safe and more hostile for girls.

The “manosphere” is a network of online communities promoting extremist and hateful ideologies, rooted in anger and resentment towards women. These messages may seem shocking, but their impact is real and far-reaching. It might be tempting to write off manosphere rhetoric as extremist nonsense, but the reality is that these views are taking root and influencing boys’ behaviour across Scotland.

The manosphere targets boys from a young age, tapping into anxieties around romantic rejection and any pressures to be a man, exposing them to harmful narratives about women, relationships, and masculinity. Such narratives are embedded in gender stereotypes already held by our society, meaning boys are primed to believe these more extreme messages.

Teachers are hearing derogatory language in schools and girls experience everyday hostility and harassment.

• In February 2023, 83% of secondary school teachers agreed that they are worried that Andrew Tate’s views, or influencers with similar views, are directly having a negative effect on male pupils’ behaviour. [1]
• In February 2024, 41% of secondary teachers reported having seen aggressive misogyny from students in their school since the start of the school year in September [1]

For girls, the influence of the manosphere creates a dangerous environment that undermines their safety and self-worth. Girls are frequently experiencing violence and verbal abuse in schools which harms their mental health and disturbs their focus on education.

• “Andrew Tate, the boys are copying everything he says, they shout it in the corridors. That Andrew Tate is a GOAT [Greatest of All Time]” - Girl, Cupar [2]
• Twice as many girls feel unsafe due to sexism in 2024 compared to ten years ago [3]
• Only 19% of all girls and young women feel completely safe at educational settings [2].
• 1 in 3 secondary school teachers have witnessed sexual harassment in their school on at least a weekly basis. [4]

How can girls focus on education in this violent environment?

• Fear of sexual harassment prevents a quarter of girls from speaking out in class. [5]
• Fear of being raped, followed home and/or kidnapped affects girls’ sleep, concentration, and ability to participate fully in learning. [6]
• Girls living in deprived areas are more likely to say that fear of sexual harassment holds them back at school. [7]

The constant exposure to these demeaning beliefs leaves many young women feeling vulnerable and damages their self esteem.

The manosphere and its messages have a significant impact on boys’ attitudes and behaviour and creates a hostile environment for girls. To support both boys’ and girls’ wellbeing and create a Scotland where all children can thrive, we must provide boys with a healthier view of the world.

By providing spaces for boys to critically explore the harmful beliefs promoted by misogynistic online content and talking to them about healthy relationships, we can foster values like respect, empathy, and equality amongst young people. This will lead them to feeling better about themselves and hold stronger, meaningful relationships with one another. Ultimately, this will help prevent radicalisation and create a Scotland free from men’s violence against women and girls.

Learn more about extreme misogyny’s impact on girls by listening to us talk to Girlguiding Scotland and the Young Women’s Movement or reading our briefing on misogyny and violence in schools.

You can learn more about the Many Good Men project on Civic Digits website and watch the short film (3 mins) for the Many Good Men play. 

Read the Many Good Men full report,

Just want the highlights? Read the summary,

Super short on time? Get the headlines from our briefing!

 

References

[1] Deo, A. (2024). ‘Plugged in but disconnected: young people and hateful attitudes,’ Hope Not Hate.

[2] Plan International UK (2024). The State of Girls’ Rights in the UK 2024.

[3] Girlguiding (2024). Girls’ Attitudes Survey 2024.

[4] UK Feminista (2017). ‘It’s just everywhere’: A study on sexism in schools - and how we tackle it.

[5] Girlguiding (2015). Girls’ Attitudes Survey 2015.

[6] Children’s Parliament (2022). Gender Equality in Education and Learning: Theory of Change Model.

[7] Girlguiding (2022). Girls’ Attitudes Survey 2022.

 

 

 

 

Why do young men become incels?  

The alarming rise of the “incel” (involuntary celibate) community has sparked significant concern. Incels are one part of ‘the manosphere’, a network of misogynistic, anti-feminist, and often extreme subcultures. But what draws young men into these toxic online spaces?  

Many young men find themselves struggling with romantic failure and rejection as teenagers. These experiences are not uncommon, but what’s crucial is how boys interpret this rejection.  

Some will take this to mean that this girl isn’t the right romantic partner for them and move on, others may self-reflect and engage in personal growth. But some may look to blame the girl, finding fault in her, or view the situation as unfair. 

The latter view can come from subtle but consistent messages in our society about gender roles and relationships between men and women. Popular culture consistently promotes the narrative that male persistence and “doing the right things” will inevitably lead to romantic success. These messages are a sexist, misogynistic, and often homophobic, interpretation of dating and relationships.   

The manosphere provides more concentrated versions of these same messages, telling boys they’ve been rejected because: 

•  They aren’t the right type of masculine to attract women’s baser ‘instincts’  

• Feminists have ‘falsely’ empowered women to say ‘no’ 

Incels will add that there’s nothing you can do about this. The incel community provides the sometimes appealing idea that the world is rigged against you. The reason you’ve been rejected is nothing to do with you but because of a girl’s unfair expectations. It is easier to blame external factors than engage in uncomfortable self-reflection. 

The incel movement taps into boys’ anxiety around rejection and the pressure they can feel to be a certain type of man who is big and muscular, makes a lot of money, and can physically defend himself and others.  

In this online community boys will find validation for their feelings, solidarity with other boys, and ultimately a place to belong. In these spaces, misogynistic rhetoric flourishes, and the narrative that feminism and women’s sexual agency are responsible for their woes becomes ingrained. Incels believe they are owed romantic and sexual attention, and when it is not given, they view this as an injustice, often leading to anger and resentment towards women. This clear explanation, combined with a target for their frustrations — women — offers young men an enticing, but extremely harmful, sense of community. 

As boys continue to consume this content and spend time in this community they may, through a process of desensitisation, become ready to enact violence against women, both online and off. 

Incel culture thrives on boys who have unmet expectations of romantic and sexual relationships and view themselves as personally suffering from social rejection. It offers them a community and an explanation for their rejection which resonates with many vulnerable young men.  

To make sure boys are less vulnerable to radicalisation we must equip them with the tools to process rejection and disappointment in healthy ways, and provide non-judgemental spaces for boys to think critically about gender roles, sex, and relationships. Supporting young men to redefine masculinity on their own terms, rather than through the narrow, harmful lens presented by the incel movement, is crucial in fostering healthier attitudes towards gender, relationships, and themselves. 

To learn more about incels and young people’s experience of extreme misogyny read Many Good Men. Or listen to our podcast episode on how such misogyny impacts boys.